Today is bleak and inspiration is fleeting. When life is closing in and it seems you are stranded where is there to go? I’m stuck on an island; all that surrounds me is the sandy beach and an endless blue of sky and water. It’s going to take a miracle to get off this island….
But as time goes by I realize that I’m not on the island, I’m not on solid ground. Instead my eyes sting and are blurry from the salty water, nothing is clear everything seems to be foggy. I’m sinking fast and the endless blue is all I see. This is the life that I’ve been living. What I would give to feel my feet on the warm sandy beach, to feel the sun shining, to see clearly again.
Have you ever been where I’m at right now? You thought you could breeze through hurts, mistakes, and pain without facing it? I thought I could do that but I was wrong, so wrong. So as much as it sucks it’s time to trade in what I want to do right now for what I know I need to do.
I’ve never been down this road, I’ve never willingly gave up something I wanted to heal. It’s uncomfortable and sad. Even though I know it’s time for a change within my heart, I have peace in the ways I’m used to. I’m used to sinking in the endless blue, with foggy vision. I don’t want to give up that place because it’s familiar; it’s so familiar it has made me numb to feeling like there is any other way.
I cling to the promises:
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart Jeremiah 29:13
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
I’ve messed up big, I’ve made my own ocean of mistakes, but I have hope. A tiny bit of hope within me; that is teaching me to trust and obey and put one foot in front of the other. When that pit of fear takes over I have hope that gives me a reason to choose to heal for myself and the ones that I love.